His master, a terrible father figure
by PudgyPhantomhive
Summary: A quick one-shot of Ciel being left with his son, leading to complete chaos. (More of a crack fic thought up with caffeine.) T for the "s" word being said many times. I DON'T OWN KUROSHITSUJI DON'T SUE ME!


Ciel was sitting in his spiny chair, waiting on Sebastian to bring him his afternoon tea. It's been about 12 years since Ciel and Sebastian established their covenant. On his 18th birthday, he was able to come back to the manor, now fully able to control the demon side of him. After those years, he finally gained his human senses back for a little while. Needless to say, he was abusing his newly found senses to annoy his butler.

Ciel heard a knock at the door. "It's about time, Sebastian." To his surprise, Lizzy stepped in with their son, Sullivan. "Well, that's a lovely way to talk to your wife!" She giggled. "What do you need, Lizzy?" She sauntered over to her husband, baby in tow. "I need you to watch after Sill for a little while, I need to go out into town with Paula. I have a special birthday present for you this year." Ciel blushed, thinking of last year's present. "Just don't go over board with the mistletoe again, we don't need another baby just yet. Sullivan isn't even two." She blushed deeply. "Alright dear, I'll be back soon!" She walked out of Ciel's office, leaving him with his son.

The baby just stared at him. "What do you need, Sullivan?" The small child's lip started to quiver at Ciel's stern voice. "Oh no." Sullivan went into a hysterical crying fit. "Sebastian! HELP!" The butler burst through the door and scooped up the child. "Bocchan, do you know _why_ he's crying?" Ciel shook his head. Sebastian smiled and tsked at him. "Young master, would you mind smelling your son's diaper?" The still not so accustomed to children father took his child, and sniffed. "OH DEAR HEAVENS!" Sebastian giggled. "You see, you can't torture me, without torturing yourself." Ciel glared at him. "Help me change him you bloody demon." Sebastian bowed and left the room to get the required supplies.

Sebastian came back to a rather abnormal sight. Though his master's nose was covered, he was cuddling the child, talking to him. "Say daddy. Come one I know you can do it!" It was almost to cute to disrupt. Almost. "Young master, I do believe now is the proper time to change him." Ciel quickly composed himself and took his son to a near by table. "Dada!" Ciel stared at his son. "What just happened?" Sebastian shrugged his shoulders, urging Ciel to proceed in changing the child. "Dada!" Sullivan reached for his father. Ciel moved back his son's grayish blue locks to look into his green eyes. 'Just like Lizzy's.' He thought. Ciel unfastened his son's diaper, revealing the not so heavenly load. "Oh my goodness, this is ridiculous!"

The baby giggled at his father's efforts of trying to change him. "Sebastian, cover my nose." The demon complied, covering his own nose. "Now even a demon can smell that." Ciel grimaced as he finished cleaning him. 'Everything looks like it's in the clear. Just-' the young Phantomhive's hand slipped, causing the diaper to fall to the floor. "Bloody hell the shit's every where!" Sebastian groaned, heading out of the office to get the bucket and wash cloth when he heard a peculiar voice say something very naughty.

"Shit!" The baby giggled. Ciel turned very slowly to Sebastian, a look of horror on his face. "Shit shit shit!" He ran over to Sullivan. "SSSSSHHHHHH! Don't say that son." "Shit!" The child giggled, spittle starting to bubble from all the laughter. "Sebastian, what do I do?!" The older demon shook his head. "Honestly young master, this is a predicament I can't even get you out of." Ciel fell to the floor, sobbing out of fear of what Lizzy would do.

"Sebastian, I need you to hide all weaponry Lizzy knows about." Ciel rocked himself on the floor, unsure of what to do. Sebastian bowed, exiting the room. The younger demon walked over to his son, thinking of how he could get him to stop saying that word. "Say dada?" The baby smiled. "Dada!" Ciel picked him up, rocking him in his arms. "Go to sleep~" He sang his son a short lullaby while bouncing him. He fell asleep in no time. "Phew, hopefully he'll forget that word before Lizzy gets here."

While Sullivan was sleeping, Lizzy walked into the office quietly, motioning Ciel to follow her. "How was he?" She whispered. "Other than his horrible diaper change, he was an angel." Lizzy smiled and hugged her husband. Sullivan woke up, and started fussing. Lizzy gave Ciel a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll go check on him." She scurried into the office, lifting him out of the crib. "Hi Sill, did you have a good day with daddy?" "Shit!" Sullivan was giggling away while Lizzy's face turned snow white. A few veins in er head started to pulsate, and she started shaking. Lizzie sat her son back into his crib. He kept giggling saying his new found word, completely forgetting the other word he was taught. "CCCIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL! GET OVER HERE!" She screamed. Lizzy stepped back into the hallway, finding a note laying on the table.

'I left so you can cool off. I'm pretty sure you're kicking me out bed tonight. I'll come find you soon dear.

Love, Ciel'

She crumpled the paper, determined to search the whole house for him.

Ciel sighed, hiding under his desk. "That was to close. Wouldn't you agree Sebastian?" The butler shook his head. "Yes, but was this the best hiding place for us?" Ciel scowled. "If you'd rather face her rath, be my guest." Sebastian curled up into a tighter ball. "I would prefer to stay here, thank you. Even Satan would fear your wife when she's like this." Outside of the office, they heard a loud crash, followed by Finny running away. "I don't know where they are lady Phantomhive I swear!" Ciel sighed, feeling so sorry for finny. "How long do you think she needs to cool off?" Ciel thought about it for a moment. "Easily till dinner." Another crashe resounded through out the manner. "Maybe a few days."

**All right, first "crack" fanfiction done. Hope it wasn't to terrible.**


End file.
